spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
