like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
