Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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