just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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