Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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