Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
