He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
