worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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