This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
