I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
