Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
