I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
