My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will be naked everywhere
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
