Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
