Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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