watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
