I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
