I skipped work to stalk him.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
