No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
