But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
