I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Someone came in the potted fern
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
