The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
