So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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