Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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