Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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