Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I love having hate sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
