so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
