break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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