No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
