I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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