I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
