When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
