She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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