Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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