I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
