Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think my vagina is haunted
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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