guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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