rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
