You just made me feel so damn special
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
