Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
