Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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