So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
