I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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