Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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