Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
