So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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