Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize