Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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