Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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