obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
