I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
