I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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