dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
