I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
