i don't like sucking hair
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
