Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
