I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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