You made me cry and you don't even care
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
