your thong is hanging out like whoa
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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