I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
