I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
