I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
