i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize