you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
