So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
