I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
