I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
