Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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