just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
