Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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