Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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