Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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