If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
