I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
