Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
