when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My bed smells like the plague
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
