I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize