Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize