Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
