Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
