Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize