Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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