Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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