I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
