thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
