I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
