Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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