I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
